Last week was a bit of an emotional whirlwind because early on I kind of freaked out about things with Shiloh. It just is still very clear he's still processing his breakup, which is perfectly normal and expected, but I found myself acknowledging that if things continued on for the next month and change and just ended once I moved to Maryland, I would be disappointed. We were able to talk it through and initially it seemed like we were just going to stop hanging out, but he responded so well, and we both were just so honest and I ended up spending the majority of the weekend there. It was a really nice and relaxing weekend; we spent time reading next to each other outside, doing a puzzle, walking the dog, and then watching some cartoons from our youth. I think I'm still in danger of having that narrative of only being good for sex reinforced but I definitely know whatever this is, is raising the bar of what I deserve. We're not even dating and he has treated me better than anyone I've been with. I know the man and I were never actually in a relationship so it's hard to really know what that could have ever been like, but I do know any time I ever needed to have a conversation about how I was feeling, he was always good about listening, and being understanding which was so drastically different from my ex-husband, but then that'd be it, he'd kinda shut down and very rarely would be honest with me about how he truly felt. I'm sure that has a lot to do with why it felt so one sided by the end. I know across our time together he definitely did have moments where he shared stories of importance from his youth and how he felt he had ended up in his marriage, but other than the very first round, he never really was forth coming about how he felt about me. I know it's why I always felt so unbalanced, I could never fully relax because I never knew where I stood with him. I'm starting to feel a tad unbalanced in things with Shiloh cuz I'm so ready for something real again and so very tired of meaningless and at this point, since getting divorced I've only seen real potential of a future with the man, that was it, I could never see a future with anyone else I have met across these nearly six years, but all of a sudden I do. Who knows if things will progress, right now it's really nice to have someone that regularly does nice things for me, just to see me smile.
Getting up today was rough af, I was up late on the phone with Burdman, his cat that he has had for 17 years is on death's door and has a procedure scheduled in two weeks, but it's looking grim about if they'll even perform it in his state. I've seen this man tear up before, especially right after the most brutal breakup I know of, but he cried on the phone with me. It was heartbreaking and I am now even more worried about his well being. I'm sad too though, I love that cat, he's been a staple of my life for six years now. I've known Burdman longer than that, but our friendship didn't graduate to me spending time in his personal space until the summer I left my ex-husband. I wish I could go over to his place...what a terrible time to be losing something SO important.
Welp took a small break from this to chat with my sister and make myself some dinner. Last week I decided I would start taking more pictures of what I was doing throughout this and sharing them in this like I did during my trip since I know it will be interesting to re-read this in the future and I don't have any other outlets with not being on social media. I'm definitely enjoying cooking more so here's some of the meals I apparently deemed worth taking a photo of...
Shiloh made homemade pesto while I watched, I did bring the fresh shrimp and the homemade pasta (that obviously I bought) but this meal was delicious.
I had a bunch of bananas I didn't manage to eat right away and then decided I would let them get EXTRA ripe and attempt banana bread for the first time in my life. What a fucking adventure this was, especially because I didn't have any baking powder or vegetable oil, so I used extra cream of tartar and applesauce. This thing was a BRICK. It was so dense, the plate was SO heavy when I eventually got it out of the pan haha I'm pretty sure with my substitutions I should have baked it longer at a lower temp, but it was honestly delicious, I decided of my own accord to add some vanilla extract and cinnamon when I chose to use pecans as the nut and the flavor profile was extremely enjoyable. I think the next time I try this it's going to come out great.
There was some left over shrimp from the meal with Shiloh so I sauteed them with some onions and cherry tomatoes, and then threw it all over some polenta. Super quick, way more food than you think a 1/4 cup of polenta will turn into, and very tasty.
At the beginning of last week I made some tuna with mayo, red onion, and black pepper, and then used that to make a bunch of meals. This first one is tuna pasta with avocado and grated parmesan.
Hard to tell, but there's english muffins on the bottom, so this was sort of in the family of a tuna melt? I didn't think to get slices of cheese :( Sooo it's whole wheat english muffins, tomato slice, avocado slices, the tuna mixture and topped off with parmesan.
This was a take on stuffed peppers, so I seasoned the pepper with some olive oil, onion powder, garlic powder, and black pepper and then baked it a for a bit. Then stuffed it with the tuna and topped with the parmesan. Clearly I fucking like parmesan.
So by the end of the first week I realized I needed a desk, and ordered it and it came near the end of the second week, it was quite the task to put it together, but I sincerely enjoyed it and am SO happy with what I got and honestly last week was incredibly productive and I know the desk played a key role.
I took this photo during a conference call for work cuz Lady was just looking so regal. Shiloh said it was frame worthy and that I should title it "Cat and Mouse"
Lady eventually figured out that she could get into the drawers of the desk from the window sill... so she will now occasionally hang out in them while I'm working and bat at things and it's quite cute.
Might as well throw in other cute photos of my cat, it's all my instagram feed was near the end anyways lol
On Friday, my grad school friends and I had a group chat, we were supposed to have a Grace Kelly night at the end of March, dress up, fancy cocktails, and a marathon of her movies. A few of us decided to then do our hair and makeup while on the call together which was actually a ton of fun and I may officially be a fan of the winged tip look for my eyes and can see myself doing this again. Additionally, as I should have known, pin curling my hair at the beginning of the call and then taking it out near the end, was not enough for my thick hair to dry, even though I even used the hair dryer for a bit! I wish I had remembered to take a photo while it was all still pinned. I watched a handful of 50s makeup tutorials and did my best to recreate how they would do it. I didn't have any lip liner and not sure I found a red enough lipstick, but otherwise I think I did a decent job. I even painted my nails red. My hair is definitely getting shaggy and I found myself watching tutorials today about how to cut your own hair... so perhaps I'll give that a go this weekend, the back of my neck feels gross. Welp who knows what shenanigans I'll get up to before the next entry, but with how things are now, definitely seems like this social distancing is no where near over.
No comments:
Post a Comment