Reset

Welp it is 2022 and I think like most people I'm doing my best to not have any grand expectations about what's ahead, but I do think there's things to look forward to. The end of the year was mayhem, from too many funerals to wrapping up the year workwise before heading out for vacation. I'm really glad I was able to take the last two weeks of the year off and go to Italy. It was truly an amazing trip but it also got me in my head quite a lot. It was my first time being on vacation with a significant other, it felt like such a big deal and it was to a degree. Champlain was a wonderful person to experience that with for sure, but there were definitely times where I wished it was with someone I knew I was building a life with, someone who was going to be my future not just my right now. I think I just started to question what the fuck I was doing moving in with someone and going on a nice ass vacation I was mostly financing that ultimately is not my person. I feel so unclear on how much longer this relationship is going to last and I think that's making me feel unsettled. I also started to fear that I was just being used and I haven't gotten over that yet and I'm not quite sure how to. I told him during the trip at one point a little bit about how I was feeling, but I definitely didn't go all the way into it because I didn't want to ruin the trip. Maybe soon there will be a better time to really sit and talk about the future a bit and give myself a clearer picture. Right now I'm wrapping up my first day back at work and getting ready to head out and pick up Lady from my sister's place. I really can't wait to snuggle that furball, I've missed her SO much. I may not be clear on my relationship with Champlain, but I feel confident I'll be in Maryland until I decide it's time to go back to school again for that Master's in Global Change at University Dublin College and then after that, who knows what will be next. Maybe back to the Philly area, maybe another place, maybe back to the firm I'm with now, but the goal is to be a policy advisor to like the EPA or something of that nature so where ever that may take me is where I'll go. I don't feel particularly connected to anywhere or anyone right now and I don't think that's bad? I'm not sure. I was definitely stressed and struggling at the end of this year, the break was needed, and right now I feel like I'm resetting and hoping the updates are decent lol. Cheers to another year in the books and half through another year around the sun.