Welp I've been chilling on the tarmac for two hours... Amazing how a little rain can have such a large impact. I napped hard so it hasn't been much of a wait for me but I'm certainly getting anxious. What a crazy feeling that something I've been planning and dreaming about is finally here. The whole day has been a bit stressful wrapping the last minute things up, but I've got a clean apartment to come home to and a majority of work things wrapped up.
Every time I've planned an adventure trip the eventual experience is so much more than I could ever imagine and I really can't wait to see what lays ahead over these 21 days. I talked to my mom on the phone while driving up to North Jersey to my step mother's where Pat will be patiently waiting for my return. She told me she was jealous but excited for me and that I remind her of her mother, a fearless adventurer who did what she wanted -honestly the best compliment she could have given me. My sister told me she was jealous but proud and wished she was joining me and just loved that I was doing what I wanted to be doing.
I think too many of us get stuck in the immediacy of our worlds and forget to step back and look at the big picture. We are most certainly not here to go to work 5 days a week and pay bills. But when you're barely making ends meet or have other lives you're responsible for, I can totally understand how it'd be difficult to see beyond those responsibilities weighing on you. I feel in the last few years I've done some work on deciding what I believe in after finally having the balls to tell my mother I most definitely did not believe in the god of my Catholic school upbringing shortly after I left my ex-husband. At their core I believe religions provide a framework to help make sense of the universe and your place within it and help guide you in how you should act.
I believe that energy cannot be created nor destroyed and bottom line we are all just energy, vibrating atoms, I believe that there was a big bang, I believe in karma because every action has an equal and opposite reaction, I believe that you can feel the difference when someone is vibrating at a low or high frequency, I believe that we're supposed to have much more regular contact with the physical ground of this planet and it's own energy currents and nature in general - that designing our world for cars instead of people has been one of societies greatest mistakes, I believe that there is something greater than all of us that connects all of us.
I've recently read a lot about this idea of source energy and I really like it. It's this notion that we all come from and eventually go back to the same type of energy, pure light. That this is the essence of souls, something that is indeed everlasting. However in that state you're not so much an individual anymore with a ton of self awareness, you just are. And so it's believed that the opportunity to have your essence reincarnated as a human on Earth, is the so called experience of heaven, this is how you have the chance to touch and feel and see and hear and taste. We're here to experience it all, the bad and the good, to be selfish and put ourselves first at times, but also to be selfless and do what's right for the good of our fellow person. I think to continually exist in extremes in any direction is dangerous, that moderation overall is the sustainable way but that it doesn't mean every once in a while you can't go balls to the wall, hence a three week vacation across the pond
This flight has been something else, it has felt like we've been chasing a setting sun yet actually we've been heading towards a rising sun, you could say I've been traveling into the future. Life truly is about perspective and too many people allow themselves to exist in complacency, a state of being where you just accept things as they are even though you're not satisfied. I know that some people don't have as much agency because of the circumstances they've been born into... but so many people think they're more helpless than they are or often refuse to ask for help. But those that have all the means in the world and yet still refuse to make a change... that I have such a hard time understanding. I used to think apathy was at the core, but I'm starting to think that's the end result of settling. I think the slow fall into complacency happens due to fear and doubt. The doubt that you deserve more, the fear you'll never find it. My twenties were rough but what I've learned above all is that there's no one I trust more than myself to have the fortitude to push beyond complacency and give meaning to my life.
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